Why A Teen Who Talks Back May Have A Bright Future – NPR

It pays to argue.  Really.

Allen says almost all parents and teenagers argue. But its the quality of the arguments that makes all the difference.

“We tell parents to think of those arguments not as nuisance but as a critical training ground,” he says. Such arguments, he says, are actually mini life lessons in how to disagree — a necessary skill later on in life with partners, friends and colleagues on the job.

Teens should be rewarded when arguing calmly and persuasively and not when they indulge in yelling, whining, threats or insults, he says.

via Why A Teen Who Talks Back May Have A Bright Future : Shots – Health Blog : NPR.

Serious Minds Debate the N.American Economy

Summary from the Munk Debates in Toronto via Ian Bremmer with the topic “Be it resolved North America faces a Japan-style era of high unemployment and slow growth.”

A vote taken before the debate revealed that most of the crowd agreed with Krugman and Rosenberg on the pessimistic side of the question. Before the debate began, 56 percent voted in agreement with the proposition. 26 percent disagreed, and the rest were undecided. The vote immediately following the debate suggested that Larry and I had managed to swing all the undecideds and a few of those who had voted in favor. We narrowed the final margin to just 55-45 in favor of the proposition.

via Munk Debates: Bremmer and Summers vs. Krugman and Rosenberg – By Ian Bremmer | The Call.

Most helpfully, Bremmer offers links to the full debate as well as the arguments for and against the proposition.

When Rejection Helps to Build a Career – NYTimes.com

Today’s psychology insight is that sometimes rejection increases motivation and drive.

“It makes such a difference in your life when somebody tells you ‘no’ and you have enough survival instinct,” says Terry Vance, a psychologist in Chapel Hill, N.C. “It spurs you.”

As a college student, she says, she took psychological testing that supposedly indicated that she was too anxious for grad school. She proved those results wrong by getting her doctorate in psychology, and she has practiced ever since.

Her husband, Robert Vance, says he got a “devastating” F on his first philosophy paper at Kenyon College. “I certainly wanted to prove to myself I could do A-caliber work” in that field, he recalls. He landed on the philosophy faculty at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, teaching there for 35 years.

via When Rejection Helps to Build a Career – NYTimes.com.

Negotiation Academy Ep. 1 – Slate Magazine

A short course in negotiation via Slate:

Journalists Jill Barshay and Seth Stevenson recently studied the art and science of deal-making alongside budding MBAs at Columbia Business School. And it inspired them to create a series of short podcasts designed to teach you a few simple but invaluable rules for how to come out ahead when you haggle. AdvertisementIn Episode 1, Jill and Seth discuss a crucial starting question: Who should throw out the first number, you or your opponent? Along the way they get some advice from Duke behavioral economist Dan Ariely, author of the bestselling Predictably Irrational. We promise you’ll feel better armed for your next negotiation after this one segment, or your money back did we mention it’s free?.

via Negotiation academy: Slates course on the art of haggling. – Slate Magazine.

Some key takeaways:

1. Who should name the asking price or number first?  Research shows that the best way to play mind games is to state the number first and repeat it because you define/control the conversation.  This changes the nature of the negotiation.
2. Chose your first asking price or offer by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.  What is the lowest number they would accept?  Then pick a number that’s even lower.
3. Avoid the “winner’s curse” by holding back and not giving in too quickly.

The Importance of Trust in the US/Cuba Case

The idea of “trust” has been extolled by political theorist Francis Fukuyama as “a community’s shared expectation of honest, cooperative behavior outside the family) and social capital (the values created by tradition, religion, or other means).”    Trust plays a critical role in diplomacy–as best evidenced in the negative sense by the powerful undermining effect of Wikileaks.

If you have ever wondered “how hard could it be for two countries to develop trust” consider the latest setback in Richardson’s unofficial visit to retrieve a USAID contractor held by the Cuban government.  (We can assume–as David Brooks eloquently writes–that setting government policy and measuring the benefit is difficult.)  The bottom line is that country-to-country relationships are complicated, too.

“Neither side has shown the slightest interest in learning from experience and have demonstrated repeatedly the tragic way in which both sides are condemned to repeat their mistakes,” said Robert A. Pastor, a professor at American University who advises former President Jimmy Carter on Latin America. “It’s not just the Obama people. It’s the new people under Raúl Castro.”

via Bill Richardson Criticizes Cuba After Failed Talks on Alan Gross – NYTimes.com.

Booklist | ‘A Good Talk’ by Daniel Menaker – Los Angeles Times

Learning to make small talk—an essential skill for the diplomat-in-training.

Menaker’s aim is not so much to instruct us in the “how” of conversation as it is to convince us of its joys and that we need — yes, need — to make room for it in our lives. He would like us, please, to talk with each other, and by so doing, to save the world.

“It is kind of hard to punch someone in the stomach or fire an RPG at him or burn his house down while you’re talking to him,” he writes, arguing that conversation — using our words, as we tell toddlers to do — is vital to humankind’s survival. And while he is not naive enough to suppose that dialogue alone will tame a hostile planet, Menaker thinks it has a positive ripple effect: “With Hume, I believe that every time people talk together in a social and mutually gratifying way, the world becomes a better place.”

via Daniel Menaker | ‘A Good Talk’ by Daniel Menaker – Los Angeles Times.

 

Framing and Mormon Progressives

A partisan discussion of how Latter-day Saint progressives might frame their issues to more effectively reach across to the Mormon conservative “tribe”:

So how might progressives create a space within Mormon culture for their tribe? The answer is to do exactly what conservative Mormons have done: employ frames both within political discourse and within Church discourse that remap the brain. Mormon theology fully supports an empathy-based frame, perhaps more so than any other Christian denomination. Mormons believe in a Heavenly Mother as well as a Heavenly Father, who are literal parents of each of us. We believe in serving each other and the community. We believe in building communities where people live with one heart, one mind, dwell in righteousness, and eliminate poverty among us—and not just by building gated communities in which the poor are unwelcome. We believe in an earth that is created spiritually, and we can understand environmental responsibility as an act of stewardship. And in a moving example of a completely nurturant parent, Mormon scripture tells us that God himself looks down from heaven and weeps for his suffering children. In short, Mormon theology supports a metaphorical frame of empathy.

via The LDS Left: The Morality of Politics: The Challenges of Mormon Tribalism – by Boyd Petersen.

Insights Into Negotiating Like the FBI

High stakes make for good strategies, at least that what these two features show.  First, negotiating for something like a salary based on the FBI publication “Crisis Intervention: Using Active Listening Skills in Negotiation” as referenced in the Career section of WSJ online:

So let’s say the HR person says, “We think you’re a great fit for the job, and we’d like to offer you a starting salary of $75,000.” Say something like: “I see. So you’re saying that the salary for this position would be $75,000.” Then be silent.

In doing so, you’ve listened attentively, paraphrased what the interviewer has said, mirrored back the last few words, and left an effective pause in the conversation to allow the interviewer to fill the gap. Most people hate awkward silence in conversation, and will rush to fill it, and what can happen in this scenario is they fill it with a higher offer.

via How to Negotiate Your Salary Like an FBI Agent .

And a longer interview worth exploring on hostage negotiations with founder of the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit–via a Bob Edwards interview (previously available as a podcast via his iTunes channel) or Terri Gross Fresh Aire.   (You can find Noesner’s book and website, as well as see another summary.)

“Negotiations requires a lot of patience,” Noesner says. “You typically don’t create that relationship of trust by the specific words that you articulate. You have to earn the right to be of influence with someone, and you do that by projecting sincerity and genuineness. And those are great qualities for a good, successful negotiator.”  via NPR

The Limits of Talk – Jon Stewart & Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday

Numerous outlets have addressed the issues of ideology, racism, ethics, and downright nastiness in the Jon Stewart appearance on Chris Wallace’s Sunday talk show–as well as the aftermath spin, which hasn’t worn down yet. But James Fallows of the Atlantic encourages viewing the Jon Stewart “Fox News Sunday” appearance if only because as it illustrates a key concept of persuasion:

…the way this clip reinforces the concept that you never change peoples minds by scoring logic points or “arguing.” You have to change the entire emotional/narrative game.

via James Fallows – blog – The Atlantic.

Watch the interview as the ‘embed’ code doesn’t always take in WordPress.

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comWatch the latest video at video.foxnews.com

Effort Fosters Tolerance Among Religions – NYTimes.com

Speaking of cooperative efforts (although only partially about consensus) consider the efforts of Patel on interfaith activism:

Interfaith activism could be a cause on college campuses, he argued, as much “a norm” as the environmental or women’s rights movements, as ambitious as Teach for America. The crucial ingredient was to gather students of different religions together not just to talk, he said, but to work together to feed the hungry, tutor children or build housing.

“Interfaith cooperation should be more than five people in a book club,” Mr. Patel said, navigating his compact car to a panel discussion at Elmhurst College just west of downtown Chicago, while answering questions and dictating e-mails to an aide. “You need a critical mass of interfaith leaders who know how to build relationships across religious divides, and see it as a lifelong endeavor.”

via Effort Fosters Tolerance Among Religions – NYTimes.com.